Results tagged “americana”

It rains in Phoenix. Not very often, but it does rain. Usually our monsoon season accounts for the majority of our wet weather and adds plenty of thunder, lightning, and wind into the mix as well. Some of the storms are really quite impressive. The gutters at the front of our house mind you, slightly less so.

You see, the architect of our house was frustrated with that age old problem of rain being directed from your roof to the ground in an inconspicuous area at the side of the house. He decided to fix it. Because, obviously, that design is a bit crap. What everyone wants is for their gutters to direct the runoff water onto the path right in front of their doorway. That makes so much more sense.

I'd say he succeeded admirably. For ensuring that people coming and going have the optimum chance of getting completely soaked is exactly what you want from your gutters after all.

I grew up in a small town somewhere just a little south and just a little east of "the middle of England". When I first started driving, it was all about little country roads. Then slightly bigger roads into the slightly bigger towns. Then bigger trips up and down the Motorway to cities far and wide.

The first time I drove in Cambridge was an eye opening experience. The first time I drove in London was an eye opening experience. These were not the little country roads anymore. Before long I was shouting and giving obscene gestures to other drivers along with the best of them. Just like you did. It's a driver's rite of passage. Or something.

I left the shores of dear old Blighty to live in Italy for a couple of years and realized British drivers were amazing, stellar, perfectionists. Driving in Italy amounted to what I can best describe as total anarchy. A stop sign does not actually mean stop. A fact I learned from a rather nice Italian chap who gave me some polite advice after almost running into the back of me. I'm pretty sure it was polite advice, he gave me hand signals and seemed very enthusiastic.

The big jump across the pond followed and I began my driving adventure in the US. One thing I learned almost immediately, drivers in America are aggressive. Well, maybe I should qualify that. Drivers in Phoenix are aggressive. The first time I tried the simple task of merging onto a Freeway was all rather entertaining. The idiot trying to have me take part in an awesome-off by refusing to let me in actually taught me a valuable lesson though. There's no such thing as driver's etiquette here. It's every driver for themselves.

Fast forward to today and I don't get stressed out about the driving here at all. Life is too short to let your blood boil about things so trivial. Now I just assume everyone around me is a homicidal maniac ready to flip out at any time and I let them get on with it. Ignorance really is bliss. Don't pay any attention to the douche nice driver next to you, in front of you, or behind you. Just go with the flow, turn that music up, and smile.

The other day one of our neighbors rang our doorbell. Well, not really a neighbor exactly, for this young lady lived a street behind ours. Or so. Maybe. For the description of where she lived was quite confusing. Hazel did one of those uh-huh things. You know, the kind of uh-huh when you have no clue what the person is saying but don't really care enough to further the point. Yeah, that.

Anyway, the lady wanted to know if we had dogs and if so, were they routinely outside at 10:00pm every night. Apparently she has to get up early in the mornings and doesn't sleep particularly well. The bane of her existence are dogs that bark at 10:00pm every night.

So Hazel explained that while the dogs are kept indoors, they do have to be let out every once in a while to do their, er, business. So yes, it's entirely possible that they could be outside at 10:00pm from time to time. We have a public pathway beside our house on the other side of our wall and if they hear anyone, there's also a good chance they could bark before we call them back in the house.

I didn't think that was entirely unreasonable. They are dogs after all. Dogs do tend to bark if they're startled or if they hear something strange. Apparently that is extremely unreasonable. For our neighbor then asked if we had thought about getting electric shock collars to stop them barking.

Yeah, because that's going to happen.

First of all, we aren't the only people who have dogs in our neighborhood. Are you sure you're hearing ours? When I'm outside I hear dogs bark but never once I'm inside the house. I dunno, maybe you could try one the following.

Close your windows.
Earplugs.
Sleeping pills.
Music.
Leave the TV on.
3 bottles of wine.
Sledgehammer.
Sleep in another room.
Move.

That sounds reasonable to me. Giving my dogs an electric shock when you don't even know if they're the ones waking you up? Not so much.

So then it was all a bit awkward, the lady wasn't satisfied, we weren't budging. So she walked off. We haven't heard any more from her. I suspect we won't.

As I was sitting in the mechanic's waiting room anticipating the return of my car last night I couldn't help but notice the TV. Not because the volume was loud enough to kill several small Elephants, and not because it was tuned to Fox either.

Never in my life have I had to painfully sit through that many commercials for pharmaceutical products or ambulance chasers. I guess when I'm watching Cable TV at home I tune them out or go make some coffee. It's all a bit sad really to think we've turned into a nation of pill popping lawsuit happy idiots.

"Ask your Dr if Flibquizzononel is right for you". No I won't, he's the Dr, I shouldn't be telling him which drugs to prescribe. And good lord, the side effects. "Causes abdominal pain, swelling, brain tumor, and your leg might fall off". Sounds lovely.

"In a crash? Need some cash?". Erm, no, but thanks for asking. I'm probably not going to take any legal advice from two blokes who look like they should be selling used cars. You should try to catch the small print the next time those are on. I'm thinking not licensed in the State of Arizona isn't really a good sign.

And those Bears. Little buggers they are. Bears.

For a Brit living in America, Independence Day has always felt a little odd for me. Sure I go with the flow and enjoy beer and hot dogs along with the next, er, beer and hot dog enthusiast. Just a little peculiar to celebrate that my country lost a war.

Woohoo, we got our arses kicked, good job colonists, now pass me another beer won't you old chap.

But that was all such a long time ago. Water under the bridge, and in the spirit of Anglo-American relations I say congratulations on beating us fair and square, we were a bit crap in that war anyway. We got a lot better after that.

So, dear Americans, whatever you find yourself up to on this holiday weekend, enjoy yourselves and I'll have a beer for you.

Both of my teams qualified for the next stage of the world cup today. The USA beating Algeria means they ended up winning the group. And I honestly didn't think I'd ever type that sentence.

The Telegraph has some of the best live match commentary. Often brilliant actually. Today's instant reaction to Landon Donovan's late goal that pushed England into the second spot in the group, where we'll face Germany, made me giggle.

The USA have come fashionably late to the party, leaving us at the mercy of the Germans. It's World War Two all over again.

Only the third person in 33 years to die by Firing Squad in the USA, Ronnie Lee Gardner was executed in Utah today.

A hood was placed over Gardner's head and a paper target pinned to his chest. He was heavily restrained as a five-person firing squad took aim at the target and shot him, witnesses said.

Capital punishment is one of those issues that I find myself conflicted about. Like Zoos only a little more serious obviously.

On the one hand, I see the argument that the death penalty is more revenge than justice. I can certainly see the argument about the inhumanity of it and the possibility of executing innocent people.

On the other hand, if someone walks into a Burger King with a shotgun and shoots 13 people in the head, grins, and shows no remorse, is a life sentence a severe enough penalty?

It's a polarizing, confusing, heavy topic, and one in which I freely admit that I struggle with.

But firing squad? The 1770s called, and they want their method of execution back. Presumably the guillotine wasn't available today.

There are some things I'm ok at, some things I'm above average at, and even a couple of things I'm good at. But no matter how hard I try, there are just some things that I'm completely and utterly crap at.

Parallel Parking

To this day I cannot parallel park for poo. I'm lucky that in both my British and American driving tests, I was never asked to perform this seemingly impossible feat. I bow to driving geniuses the world over who pull off such a daring maneuver on a daily basis. You rock.

Engines

When I was younger I absolutely couldn't care less about car maintenance. As long as my car got me from A to B I was happy. Who had time for that boring poo when there were video games, concerts, girlfriends, sports, and beer? Of course I'm kicking myself now and wish I'd taken an interest back in the day. Now whenever I open the bonnet hood, I may as well be conducting brain surgery for all the sense it makes.

CSS

Ah, our old friend cascading style sheets. Every time I get the wild notion to tweak something on this site (like, er, today), I start messing around with templates and then end up having to modify the CSS as well. And you know what? I have no idea what I'm doing. But I tell you one thing I am good at - randomly editing the css file and utilizing the great powers of trial and error to get things looking how I want. I guess that's why I write software for a living and don't design anything visual. Which leads nicely onto...

Anything Artistic

I don't have an artistic bone in my body. Can't draw a straight line with a ruler and the thought of sitting down in front of a canvas with a paint brush just gives me the willies. I do love art though and could happily spend hours in a gallery. Turns out there's a big difference between being able to spot and appreciate something nice, and actually being able to do it. And I certainly cannot do it.

So, if you had to be brutally honest, what things are you just not very good at?

So in a few days time a little tournament will be starting in South Africa. You may have heard of it. Actually, If you don't like soccer football, you probably haven't. But that's ok, it just means you're weird.

So yeah, the World Cup is held every four years and in my home country, it's a really big deal. Huge. Massive. Flags on cars massive. Country comes to a standstill massive. You get the idea.

What makes this World Cup particularly interesting for me is the fact that my home team is in the same group as my newly adopted home team.

And wouldn't you know it, we play each other in the very first game in our group.

So while I'm going to be supporting the USA in spirit in all their games, after all I've been here for 13 years now so I bloody well should, that all goes out the window when they play England. Actual home country beats adopted home country every day of the week.

Is it June 12th yet? I can't wait. Sorry USA, we'll try to go easy on you.

A little over a year ago, I made a little announcement.

Firstly my other half and I have decided to move in together. Exciting stuff. We've been house hunting for the past 3 weeks and found somewhere nice last week. I move at the end of the month and she'll move after that. Going to be super busy but I absolutely cannot wait. More to follow obviously as this month unfolds.

And this week marks a milestone for us, our first year of living together. What an amazing year it has been. We're happier today than at any point, we've learned a lot about each other, and I've learned a lot about myself.

First and foremost, I've learned that I have a greater amount of patience and understanding with children than I ever could have imagined. When I was younger I was firmly in the 'I'm never having kids' camp. If you'd told me 5 years ago I'd now be responsible for a child, I would have laughed at you.

But being around my girlfriend's little one has taught me so many things. And I've taught her so many things. It just came naturally to me, and never felt like a big effort. It just works. It works for all of us.

The little one, never one to back down from some fisticuffs.

My better half, still categorically refusing to allow any photos of her on them interweb things.

So here's to another year. I can't wait for it.

It's Phoenix, it's that time of year again. The time of year that all residents of this fine desert oasis love the most.

The hot part.

Tomorrow will be our first 100° day so far this year. Er, yay. By the end of July, we'll be longing for the days that it was only 100 for you see, Phoenicians kinda suck.

We do. We happily live here six months out of the year all smug that our weather is nice and we don't get snow.

Then summer comes.

We slowly start to remember what it's like to not be able to go outside during the day. Start to remember that Air Conditioning is a really fine friend indeed.

And then you know what we do? Bless our hearts. We whine about how hot it is. Because that's how we roll here.

"But was it really this hot last year?" Yes, yes it was.

Every year it's the same. This will mark my 13th summer here and without fail, I guarantee I'll make a point to mention how hot it is.

See, and there you go. It's like clockwork really. You're most welcome ;-)

• Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone. Or as @kapgar retweeted earlier...

...which made me giggle. So, as you do, I'll be having a beer for you all tonight to celebrate. You're welcome.

• Trent Reznor's new project, How To Destroy Angels posted their first track online yesterday: A Drowning. I love it, and I think you will to. Either that or you won't but that's what you get for listening to me ;-)

• Date Night one word movie review: disappointing.

• Cinema we watched movie in one word popcorn review: AWESOME.

• Our local NBA Basketball team, Phoenix Suns, are going to wear their 'Los Suns' jerseys tonight to protest Arizona's immigration law. Which is cool.

• The user interface for dropbox is really really nice. If you need to share files with anyone, I heartily recommend it. Free accounts max out at 2GB but it's perfect for sharing photos with family.

I knew that Wrestling was big in America, but until I lived here I didn't really understand just how big it was. Actually it really wasn't until yesterday that it hit home. Glendale hosted Wrestlemania XXVI at the University of Phoenix Stadium.

The stadium itself is in walking distance of our house and every time there's an event, they close our streets so that random event visitors can't park there. We have to flash our "yes, honestly we live here so let us through" pass at the nice Policeman whenever we try to get back to our house. And we did just that driving back from the grocery store last night. I remember thinking, that can't be for the Wrestling surely.

Now, bear in mind that the University of Phoenix Stadium hosted the Superbowl a couple of years back and you get some idea of how popular Wrestling really is here.

The vacation is now but a blur. They say pictures speak louder than words though right? Or is that actions? I can never remember, so let's just say it's pictures.

I'm going to write something a little longer about some of these in the coming days. But for now, a quick whirlwind pikcha recap.

Tan

Native

Monster

Eat

Drink

Stay

Drive

Pose

Backdrop

Cowboy

Wild

Last week we rented a minivan to carry the six of us, plus wheelchair, and a stroller. It worked out really well. In fact, should the need arise, I highly recommend the Chrysler Town & Country.

Prior to picking up the minivan though, we drove around in two cars for a while. Which also worked out quite well. And by "well" I mean, getting a matching pair of speeding tickets in the space of 3 seconds.

My better half was in front, so she was first...

...so I thought it was only fair to get one as well. You know, as you do...

So that was nice. $181.50 x 2. Go us!

Protip: there are signs on the side of the road that (1) tell you what the speed limit actually is and (2) tell you that a speed camera is approaching. No really. Who knew? Ahem.

Now, astute readers may remember that I promised to slow down last year. I did try. Honest I did.

Why is it that vacations go by so very quickly? Too bloody quickly in fact. When you say goodbye at the airport it really drills it home that living so far away from your family is far from a perfect situation. Still, it makes for good trips across the pond with lots of catching up to do.

So for the past 10 days we all had a really good time. My parents got to meet my better half and her little one, we toured around Arizona in a seven person minivan, pictures were taken, beer drank, stories told, and embarrassing photos from my youth were passed around.

(honestly I swear it was ok in Europe to wear speedos as a teenager, it was, it really was)

It's going to take me more than a few days to wade through all the pictures I took, some have already trickled onto Flickr and more will be there soonish.

When the Zombies come, and believe me they're coming, I know where I'm heading first.

Then we'll be barricading ourselves in the local Costco. So if you're in Phoenix and a survivor, remember the secret knock on the Costco door and I'll let you in.

You're welcome.

Dear Zombies, I was totally kidding about the whole Costco thing. Really. We're probably in that field up in a tree in the total opposite direction. Honest.

As I understand it, the Saints won the Superbowl yesterday. I'm quite happy for New Orleans actually. Can you Imagine Bush still being in office when the team visits the White House? A-w-k-w-a-r-d.

Anyway, I didn't watch the game and only caught the result on a news show last night. They announced that the Saints were 'world champions'. Which I thought was awfully nice of them as I don't quite remember any other country having a team in the NFL.

The Saints didn't beat the London Lionpants or the Berlin Burritoheals on their way to clinching the title so until they do, perhaps they are really just Superbowl champions and nothing more. If something is only done in one small part of the globe, proclaiming the winner as champion of the world is stretching the truth somewhat.

My local gas station reminds me that I'm pumping guaranteed gasoline.

Which is nice, because running the risk of accidentally pumping peach tea does get annoying after a while.

In which I flap on about things I like about America. Today? Spelling.

Ask any Brit and they'll tell you American spelling is the spawn of Satan and jolly well not right at all. I'd agree. But I consider myself a fairly lazy writer and wholeheartedly approve of any and all shortcuts to get words on paper. And America is every lazy writer's dream.

Americans seem to have a perpetual war on vowels. A war, quite frankly, that I can get behind. Those pesky buggers just take up far too much space in words anyway. Who can be arsed with them?

Take that letter a:

encyclopedia vs encyclopaedia
medieval vs mediaeval

And this letter e:

aging vs ageing
argument vs arguement
judgment vs judgement

Have it letter o:

maneuver vs manoeuvre

See ya letter u:

color vs colour
favorite vs favourite
honor vs honour

You see how much time I save on any given day right there alone?

America has also thankfully reversed the British trend of lets add extra letters to words because wouldn't that be fun. Again, I approve.

draft vs draught
plow vs plough
check vs cheque
program vs programme

They're onto something, those Americans. Spawn of Satan their spelling may be, but it sure saves time and effort.