See The Difference A Day Makes
Yesterday I lamented the end of an era.
When I was younger this is exactly the sort of thing an evening of Perl hackery and some beer could fix. I'm at the time of my life where tinkering is unappealing and I want things to "just work". So looks like this really is the end of the MT road for me. For real this time though, four years after I already declared it so.
So that didn't age well. For I did indeed have an evening of tinkering. The key was just finding the last version of Perl that old MT code would run on and force MT to use it instead of the system Perl. And thanks to Perlbrew this was a lot easier and quicker than it otherwise could have been.
And would you look at that, it all works again.